truth is freedom

So easy
I was
to manipulate
using guilt and love
both of which I have in spades.
Those weapons within me
could talk me out of my instincts.
He knew what buttons to push
he knew that with a simple phone call
I'd come running.
He asked for nothing
because I offered
always.
Day or night.
Dedicated.
Loyal.
My self-worth tied solely
to what I could do for him.
And for nothing.
So poorly treated
for so long.
And since, I've wondered
why I so willingly played along.
He wasn't the first
to capture my heart.
He wasn't the lover
that gave as much as he received.
He wasn't the person
whom I trusted above all.
But it was always him
until it just wasn't
until the spell broke suddenly
leaving me dazed and befuddled in its wake.
I suppose I'll never understand
the whys and hows
of his actions and mine.
I came out the other side
of a long, painful haze
a different person
and this one will never be
merely a convenience again.
But I'm still shedding the skin.